#3 What I Have Learned: From Buying a House with Him
Jason and myself bought a house recently.
We are very happy about the lovely home we bought. We loved working together in this journey (it is definitely work). We also learned five things 1) Clarifying foggy dilemma; 2) Surfacing unconscious disagreement; 3) The science and art of decision making; 4) Philosophy of investment; and 5) How much small things matter.
TL;DR. → Scroll down. We developed a one-page house buying guide for you!
Here are five learnings:
1.I just want this and that. Really?
When we first started looking, conversations like “I just want this.” “That is very important.”
Jason has mentioned things that he cares about, in some separate conversations, (a) “Price / square feet is important. You know, it measures whether it is a good deal.” (b)“Well home’s appreciation potential is not super important. I believe day-to-day life style is more important.” (c) “Use of space is important. We are buying a 1200 to 1600 sq feet home. Every feet matters, otherwise it’s just a waste”. (d) “Hum this parking space is really tight.”
As you can see, some of them even conflicts with each other, such as (a)vs. (b), (c) vs. (d).
I am sure I have similar “problem”.
When we keep looking, each of us keep bring up more “requirements”. And the house hunting starts to become a little frustrating (we are just never able to find a perfect place), and hopeless (if our requirements conflict with each other, how on earth is it possible for a check-all-boxes home exist?!)
One night, I come to a realization: We don’t even have a clear idea of what all those “requirements” are! So, I decided to write down EVERYTHING that one of or both of us care about. Guess how many I jotted down? 18!
We have 18 criteria / requirements! Inevitably, they conflict with each other, unless we have unlimited budget.
Next time, when you come into a foggy dilemma, write things down: List out all the considerations.
Before you are able to solve a puzzle, you have to know what the puzzle is.
2. I think what I and my partner need/want/like are more or less similar. But really?
From how much we like / dislike about first few homes we’ve toured, we vaguely feel that what we need/want/like are more or less similar.
I still proposed that we write down our individual criteria, give them weights from 1–10, and compare. Jason was firstly hesitant, and said that they would be pretty similar anyway.
We still did. The result is very surprising.
“Appreciation in value” is the most important to me, while it is the least important to Jason.→A
“Near work” is the most important to Jason, while it is the least important to me. (for context, our offices are very close) →A
The fact that we like / dislike about homes can be a “fake” alignment. We like / dislike homes for very different reasons.
This practice brings clarity. It surfaced up hidden value difference. It provides a space for us to present to each other “Why this matters to me?” and stress test our opinions “Is it really important?” At the end of this practice, we come to an alleged, joint criteria.
As a result, it saved us from future fogging argument, meaning, we disagree but we don’t understand why we suddenly* disagreed; we argue but we are not sure where is the middle ground and how to get there.
* Things rarely happen suddenly. We always have this disagreement (see →A), we are just not aware!
3.Buying for day-to-day life quality or buying as investment?
As referred in point 2, this is one of the biggest things me and Jason disagree about. Let’s me show you with a specific case below:
(Both houses meet basic requirements we have)
House A: in four years (i.e. 2022), there will be a light rail station 0.7 miles away. By then, there will be shops, transportation, and the house is very likely to appreciate. But before then, public transportation sucks. There is barely anything around.
House B: great transportation. Walking distance to grocery, coffee shops, restaurants — a little bit of everything. Smaller, but 35K (or 7%) more expensive than House A. Probably less room for appreciation.
Which one would you choose? Would you choose to “suffer” for four years of day-to-day life for a potentially larger appreciation value in five years?
It’s a personal choice. I am more willing to “suffer” for the good for future. But Jason is more into living in the present. And he talked me into this mentality, “First, given our income, we will never be poor. We will never really need to make money out of this purchase (of the house). Second, why do you want to make more money? For a better life, right? Sacrificing for four years’ better life now, for a future more money that we don’t even really need, is not a great deal. What do you think?”
I was sold.
4.Does that extra 0.6 miles really matter?
(Context: I don’t drive. And I hope to not drive for as long as I can.)
If I tell you, “This area is about 10 miles from my work. And these two homes are 0.6 miles from each other.” Without context, you will probably say, “Oh they are very close by. 0.6 miles doesn’t matter.”
House C and D are comparable. The only two differences are:
My personal experience: Everyday I take public bus to work. I get off bus four stops in advance and walk for 1.4 miles with slight slops. It takes 30 minutes. It is my daily work-out. It is a WORK-OUT, in case you missed it.
- Will I walk 12 minutes to get grocery? Yes. This is what I do every week now.
- Will I walk 25 minutes to get grocery? No… my fingers will be lost on the way when I get home.
- Will I walk 12 minutes to a coffee shop? Yes! This is what I do every weekend now. Actually, this blog is written in a coffee shop 12 minutes away from my current rental home :) Coffee shop brings more productivity than home.
- Will I walk 25 minutes to a coffee shop? No… It feel like I have to get fully prepared and take a “home” with me “Oh get my hat in case it gets cold. Oh get umbrella in case it rains. Oh get all the chargers in case my computer and phone die. Oh I need to go to the bath room before I leave.” It feels more draining than productive.
- Will I walk 12 minutes to the beach? Yes! Oh those lovely post dinner walks and gorgeous sunsets ^_^
- Will I walk 25 minutes to the beach? No… I don’t want to “rush” so I don’t miss a sunset (isn’t the point of watching a beach sunset to chill? Lol..) I don’t want to walk all the way back in dark! (isn’t the point of watching a beach sunset to appreciate light? Lol..)
Now, does that extra 0.6 miles really matter? Is that worth $35K?
It’s your call.
We ended up choosing House C. We don’t feel bad about wasting money on that 0.6 miles. We are paying for the ease of the 50 grocery shopping trips per year, the 50 productive writing sessions per year, and the beach sunsets when it’s not raining in Seattle.
5.Does “Meeting all 18 Criteria” = “Buy”?
Choosing a house is similar to choosing a relationship, to some extent.
Does “He checks all the boxes” equal to “I love him and want to be with him”? Not necessarily. And very often, you fall (in love) with he who rocked your life, shocked your system, and made you decide to ditch your list of boxes.
You find a home that is a pure wild card. But you love so much that, after considering against all your criteria, after comparing with all your alternative choices, you decide that you will go for it. You decide to ditch all your criteria. You decide to take this calculated risk.
I have to say. Congratulations. You are the lucky one.
Paper has more texture when you roll them. Life is more fun when you break rules.
I know.
You are here.
Before you read the whole thing :)
You, questions, suggestions are all welcome :)
Note: This is not an real estate expert talking about investment. This is a blogger/ex-management-consultant talking about her learning in buying her own home with her data scientist partner.
Other blogs in the 52-week-of-writing project:
Why do I do this: New Year’s Resolution and How that’s made
What I Have Learned: The Point of Marketing
What I Have Learned: The Danger of Being Goal-Oriented